The healthiest year of my life has been sabotaged. Wait, did I mention that this post is probably going to do a little wallowing sprinkled with self pity followed by a small does of woe is me? Okay then, the healthiest year of my life has been sabotaged... by stress.
I deal with stress in three ways: 1.) I drink really unbelievable amounts of Diet Pepsi. Except wait I gave that up. Well sort of, I did have a small Diet Coke yesterday. Only one and it was small. It was so good, it almost brought tears to my eyes. 2.) I gamble. That takes a little more effort and a lot more money. or 3.) I eat. And when I say I eat I mean anything and everything.
This time though I didn't eat everything in sight. This time I was so stressed that I began searching out the really good foods I tell myself I miss so much. In truth, I don't think I really miss them and after eating them I always feel pretty lousy. So why oh why do I keep taking the ice cream out of the freezer?
I admire those people who deal with stress by running 5 miles. I want to be them. However, when you are overweight and don't exercise regularly, you don't just strap on your shoes and run your stress off. No, you go straight to the Sonic Drive-Thru and order mozzarella sticks. Then within a couple of hours you are bloated and sleepy and kicking yourself in your still ample rear.
This has been going on for about a week and while I am still kicking myself in the rear, I must not be doing it very forcefully because it is still going on. I really thought I would start this project and just will myself to be healthy. Much in the same way I willed my self to stop biting my nails. That didn't work out so well either.
My relationship with crappy food and diet soda is not unlike a relationship with they guy you know is bad for you but you keep hooking up with anyway. It is so enjoyable in the moment, but the effects are lingering and aren't worth even a taste. Eventually, you see the light and dial your phone no more. But usually, you backslide a time or two first.
So tomorrow, I start again. Hopefully, I get back on track quickly, but no matter what I keep trying. And somewhere along the way, I might even find some willpower.